mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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