I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
