the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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