i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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