i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
