You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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