Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
