So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
