It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
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