Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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