yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
