I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
