well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
