are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
