Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
