Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
