pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
