like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
