doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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