She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
