I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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