How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
