actually, I'm a sock model
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
how drunk are you?
Several
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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