i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize