O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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