I CAN MOONWALK!
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
