so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
