Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
