the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
