I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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