when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
