You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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