i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
