plz talk dirty to me
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
