This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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