There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
