I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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