I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
