so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
