I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
