Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize