I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
