Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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