just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Shame - the story of my life.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
