so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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