he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
