I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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