Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
