walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
