Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
