I just saw a hot homeless man
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
