I'd wear matching sweaters with you
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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