it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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