I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
