mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My dick has a subreddit
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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