how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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