why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
