i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize