Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
