i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
