turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
