I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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