I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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