So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
