just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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