8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize