Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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