I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
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