Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You took a bar mat shot.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
